There are many people that seem to have a knack for seeing the good in the world around them. You know the type, you always feel better when you’re around them and they help you see the good in yourself. Yet there is another group that tends to see all the negative aspects of life. This group never ceases to amaze me. When they feel the warm sunshine on their face, all they can think of is how much greater their chances of getting skin cancer are. When they see a beautiful flower, they think of how much worse their allergies are getting. Do you get where I’m going with this? No matter what the situation, it can always be viewed in either a negative or positive light. When it comes to relationships, it pays to see the good in your significant other. Research has shown that couples were happier in their relationship when they saw their partner in a more positive light than their partner saw himself or herself (Murray, Holmes, Griffin, 2003). In fact, if a couple maintained “positive illusions” (meaning they saw their partner in such a positive way that it was a bit off from reality) their partner eventually became what they idealized them to be in the first place. They were living up to their partner’s expectations of themselves in such a way that they actually became just as good as the partner originally believed them to be.
The power of positive perception is astounding. You don’t have to be in a relationship to accentuate the positive. Begin by looking for the good in your coworkers, roommates, family members and close friends. If you establish this pattern now, you will be able to see the positive in your future relationship, which will lead to a happier and more stable relationship.
Source: Murray, Holmes, Griffin (2003). Reflections on the Self-Fulfilling Effects of Positive Illusions. Psychological Inquiry, 14, 289-295.
